Something borrowed, something new

"Something borrowed, something new ...."

I know that this expression is used when people talk about weddings and it usually applied to the bride. No worries, though, I am not getting married or engage any time soon. I don't think I am ready to be a bride. I don't know if I ever will be ready. As a womyn, I am expected to walk down the aisle some day in the hand of my father so that he is able to hand me down to another man. I am sick and tired of the idea of being nothing more than an object that should be handed from man to man to be taken care of. I don't need a man to take care of me. I do not to be diluted to nothing more than a sexual and reproductive object. I am not an object. I am a humyn being who wishes to see the world. I am a humyn being who wishes to be [free]. What I want is to be liberated! The complete form of liberation is to have the ability to be fully humyn without any labels or restrictions. The only expectations that I will fulfill in life are the expectations that I have for myself. I expect to break-free someday. Break-free from everything that has ever hold me back. My dream is to be able to travel the world. My dream is to live in San Francisco. My dream is to find a partner who will comprehend me and who will be willing to take on the world with me. You the reader might ask; "well, what's holding you back from fulfilling all of these dreams?" I am sorry, but I cannot give you a simple answer right now. The only thing that I could say is that I am undergoing a healing process. There have been many events in my life that need to be addressed from the root and I know that I need healing before making such drastic decisions.

Something new: Spiritual Healing

This concept is quite new to me. The idea of healing seemed so scary at first. I thought to myself; "Why the hell do I need healing? It's not like I am sick!" Well, when things in life don't go as plan they can leave scars that can burn for a lifetime. You can choose to live with an open wound for the rest of your life or you can heal that wound and move on. Those who choose to have an open wound are so bitter and they tend to hurt all the time. I am sorry, but life is too beautiful to live in misery. It is good to smile once in a while and be able to see the world in a different perspective. Yes, sometimes, people can hurt us deeply; but I believe that we should not let that pain define us for the rest of our lives. It is a difficult process to move on and forgive (been there, done that), but it is a lot more difficult to live your life in sorrow! This may sound so cliche, but I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. We as individuals need to be able to learn from those horrible experiences and be able to look at the positive outcomes. I believe that in life you will always harvest what you grow. Some call me "too optimistic," but I like to think that I am just being real. Take it or leave it.

Something borrowed: Everyday

Everyday I am awaken to a new sun, a new light, a new day waiting for me to arrive. I really question if everything is really new or just the repetitiveness of this old and lonely life. There are times when giving up seems like the most appropriate option. There is a cycle in which my soul feels trap. It feels as I will never know the real world. Maybe that is just not for me. Then my heads goes off and thinks about the possibility of destiny. My thoughts question me; "do you believe in a destiny?" I don't know. I wouldn't have the answer to that right now. Some would argue that my usage of the word "destiny" is just a pathetic way for me to justify my underachieving self. Maybe I do believe in destiny. My vision is unclear. At times I don't know what I am doing. I don't know where I am going. All I know is that everyday I rediscover myself.

Bittersweet Poison

The journey that was started at the beginning of 2013
was soon forgotten by mid May
I was left by myself to discover how to be myself again
The things I thought made me whole
were taken away without shame
Everything that I knew to be the "truth"
was a big lie that slapped me in the face
I had the choice to shrink and cry, but I chose to take a different way
I focused on a new beginning
I focused on a new me
The focus did not last for long because once again you were there for me
Take me whole or don't take me at all
Let's go all the way or non at all
The poison of a bitter and spoiled relationship was there for me to drink again